I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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