My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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