Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
i now understand why vodka
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
