Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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