I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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