this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
