i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
