$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
