Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
