It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
