I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
