this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
