i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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