Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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