Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
