Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
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