# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
