I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
