so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
