It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
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