six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
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Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
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Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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