i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
