So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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