Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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