I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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