The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
