Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
