I'm gonna have a badass scar
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
