I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
it hurts more in the daytime
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
