i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
