dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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