I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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