So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
