I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
