apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Randomize
