He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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