Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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