Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
