I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
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