Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
