I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
