We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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