apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
