Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Still dying that you shit outside
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
