So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
