you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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