She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Randomize
