Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
