You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
You may now shotgun with the bride
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Randomize
