I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
