masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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