what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
