his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
