That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
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he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
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I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.