I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...