If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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