We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
