She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
