i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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