after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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