nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
