dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
