Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
