i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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